i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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