My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
