New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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