My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
