my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
