It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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