I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
