Yo dont text me then not text me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
