Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
