My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
