mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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