I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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