hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
