Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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