Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize