i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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