You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
