I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
