Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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