my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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