I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
