I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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