Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
