I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
