Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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