Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize