Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
