i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
