i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
