Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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