She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
