**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
