everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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