Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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