I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize