and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
