IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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