i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
