he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
