mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
