i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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