If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
