I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
