Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
