So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
