i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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