I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
