I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
