My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
