hotel room ftw
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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