My sheets look like a crime scene.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
