He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
