Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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