well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
