Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
