so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
