Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
