She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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