I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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