he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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