Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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